MORE ABOUT PAPERS

Some time ago I was speaking about the problems with the papers. In the last period I have been seeing that most of the papers of the adopted children have not address or the address is not the full one.

When a family adopt a child normally think about the child only, but the time goes and the questions start to come. Sometimes, after a while, the families search for the biological origins of their child and at that time the more information they have easier is to find.

I wander if the adoption agencies avoid to give the address to the adoptive families but the fact is that mainly is not there. Some times I have seen that is full on the original papers but not on the translations.

I think when the people adopt a child they could ask to the agencies to have the full information about the child, may be it could change something. Is better for the child and for the adoptive family too.

BIOLOGICAL BROTHERS AND SISTERS

For me is a big issue the biological family, finally they are the ones I use to know more than the adoptive family. When one child in a family is adopted while the others remain there, always there is a big question to answer: Why me?. Normaly there are many reasons that give the way to arrive to that decision. Normaly the age and the condition of the children make easy to take the decision. The other thing is the great difference between the children that stay in the country and the children that go away... I know ia a matter of chance, but there is a big ocean between the children that are abroad and the ones that live here.

Something is sure, the mothers never forget the children wich they can not see anymore.

I ask myself about the feelings that wake up this condition. Not only fo the adopted children that know that they have a brother or a sister that are so different from them, that have a so different story, but also for the adoptive and biological parents.

HELPING THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY

That is a situation that the adoptive families sometimes have to afford. Is not an easy thing. First of all is necessary to know the biological family and their situation. And most of the times is necessary to have someone that can understand well what is going on to give advice about how a when to do it.

When you know well the situation is possible to think about it and, from my point of view, there are some criteria that can be followed.

May be is not necessary, before to do anything think well about it. If they have work or a way of living may be is better not to do anything.

Sometimes instead is better to do something, for example if the biological family is an old woman that can not work any more, or is a mother that have other children to grow up.

There are different ways to help a family. One is to help to afford a specific expense like to pay the school for brothers and sisters or the health care of someone of the family. Another one is to give money once to start a business and after not to anything else. I am not agree with the help that create dependence, is important to think well to do the right thing. 

The relationship between the two families is very unbalanced and I think is not easy at all to manage it, if you can trust a local to help you is always much better than to do it yourselves.

TO GET A PICTURE

A very nice moment when I search a biological family is after to meet them when I give them a picture of the child that have go abroad. Most of the times all the neighborhood come and want to see the child's picture and even to Kiss it.

I have no words to speak about the happiness they feel. I think is good for all. For the biological family means to have news about their child. For the child it means to have information about the origin of the own story and to get images that allow him/her to speak about him/herself. For the adoptive family it create the base to have a good relationship with the past of their child.

When the adoptive family refuse to know about the past of the child is to refuse a part of him or her. One day the question will came and is not going to be easy to answer it.

Sometimes is not possible to find any one but to try also means to respect the story of the child. For the adoptive family it gives  mind freedom and peace.

KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY

Of course is not always possible to keep in touch with the family or even to know about them, but when there is the chance to know there is the responsibility to decide to be in touch or not.

The stories of the adopted children are so different that I guess is not possible to tell if to be in touch is good or not for all of the children.

Something is sure, all of them will ask themselves when they grow up about their family, why they have been separated from the biological family and probably many other questions that I can not guess. And the ones that have the answers of the questions are the biological relatives.

Not all of the children want to know personally the biological relatives, but probably most of them would like to have an image of them, to know how they look like or to have a satisfactory explanation about the reasons why it was no possible to grow up with them.

In the same way the parents or other relatives that can not take care of their children would like to know how they are. Who are the adoptive parents, if they learn in a good school or if they have good results. specially if they were too poor or sick to be able to grow up them. I remember a mother asking me "I have no news from my child... I would like to know if he is still alive, if he is doing well". I guess they know that to give a child in adoption means that they have no right to get news, but something is the legal way and something else is the heart.

The children I have seen visiting their biological parents normally they are happy to meet the relatives but for them is clear where is their place (with the adoptive family). It open a door for the questions in the future and it give the chance not to loose them. Sometimes, after a lot of time, when the questions come, is too late to find anyone there.

ABANDONED CHILDREN

Been abandoned is one of the typical story of the children, specially the ones that are under one year. In the papers say where the child have been found and there is normally a police report. Some times is near a mission, hospital or other public place where, I guess, the mother expect that the child will be found soon.

Once I was going out of Addis and I was speaking with a social worker. At that moment someone called him and after he told me that another child have been found.

REASONS

I have born and grow up in Ethiopia, I know what means to be poor. Somehow in the city there are many associations, missions etc where a mother can get help, food or money, but out of the city sometimes the life is hard and they can not afford a child. Specially if they have no husband. so they prefer to give the child in adoption.

There can be also social reasons. Out of the city is a big problem to give birth out of the marriage. The woman is excluded from the society if it happens.

In the city sometimes the young women that have economical problems they accept to make sex with sugar daddy that give them money. It can happen they were raped. Specially in this last case for them is hard to see the child.

As a law fact a mother can not say that she can not grow up a child, there is no legal way to give the child in adoption, at least if the mother is healthy, so they must abandon the child.

THE ORIGINS

May be in a case like that you may think that is not useful to find the origins. No one knows. Sometimes going to ask about cases like that is posibe to see the files of the child and discover something new, like someone that founded the child or someone that have seen the mother even for a short time and can tell something about her.

Even it can happen that the social worker can guess who was the mother and something can be found. Is not easy, really not.

Another thing is to be sure that the child story is really true. That is also a big thing even if is difficult to tell about that

PAPERS


I start to have some experience about the papers of the children, and is really not easy to be able to believe that everything is true. Sometimes there are inexact things, sometimes all is true, sometimes there are more false things than the true ones. In this last case from my point of view without searching the real story is difficult to explain your child where does he come from and why.

If everything is true always is nice to put into images the story of the child. he or she doesn't need to create an image of the biological parents, but he can just have it, even sometimes there can be found information about the large family that is not referred on the papers, for example about the grandparents or brothers and sisters.

If here are inexact things is always good to put the things in the right place, may be in the papers say there was a neighbor who was caring the child and in fact was an aunt or a grandmother. And also to know it is profitable. Normally family keeps a mother picture or at least they can explain who she was and what she did.

If the false is more than the truth at least you can say we don't really know who you are. I say so because sometimes two children have the same papers, and of course one of the two is not the owner of the story. Or sometimes, if the family is lucky it can be found people that in the papers is died or disappeared.

Sometimes to see the true files of a child or to get an answer the people ask me to pay something, it creates  me questions, because to pay is a easy way to get what the family wants, but also a way to make bigger the corruption... 

LOVE AND BUSINESS

The stories of your children normally are love stories. I feel most of the adoptive families love their children, and I feel also that the biological families do so. The biological families have many reasons to give in adoption their children, but I think there is also love when they decide to give them a better opportunity in the life.

I like to help the children to know their stories for many reasons, and one of them is the happiness: The happiness of the biological family when they have news about their children abroad, the happiness of a child that can finally know the truth of the own story, and my own happiness to see both parts happy.

Of course there would be people that make business on that or they feel it like a job, sometimes also the ethiopian people think that the farengi (the white people) have so much money and they want a take the most  profit they can. From my point of view the business and the love have to be balanced. I like to do the things with love, but I also want to get something, I'm student and if I can pay myself the school and the things I need is for me a great satisfaction.

I would like to know what the people think about it, I remember someone telling me that they don't know the prices of the things here, so for them is difficult to know if a price is fare. Even people think that when is not possible to find anything no one have been there and it is just to say that the work have been done but it was unsuccesfull. I would like to know how is possible to do it better for all, may be your ideas can help me.

THE NEW ETHIOPIA

In the last period, Ethiopia and specially Addis Abeba is changing a lot... some times the city administration change the number of the qebele (neighborhood) or simply they decide that a area of the city have to be demolished to construct new buildings and commercial centers. It makes that the people that was living there move to another area of the city. Before it was easy to go back somewhere and everything, or nearly, was as before, but in this moment is not impossible to find that. Sometimes a large area is completely changed, or simply there is nothing as before.

I would really show pictures of before and now just to make you realize how big is the change, but the past is past and I have no way to show to you. Here above there are two pictures of Addis Abeba, one is a condominium area as now can be seen and the other one is how could look that area before.

TO SEARCH THE FAMILIES

Is just a way to think that in this moment of the country the best way to know the truth or to find the real story of your children is to search within a short time, before everything have change forever.


Normally the people here keep moving and after a while disappear forever. There is no way to find someone that change the living place easily, specially if there is no a mobile number to call to.