HELPING THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY

That is a situation that the adoptive families sometimes have to afford. Is not an easy thing. First of all is necessary to know the biological family and their situation. And most of the times is necessary to have someone that can understand well what is going on to give advice about how a when to do it.

When you know well the situation is possible to think about it and, from my point of view, there are some criteria that can be followed.

May be is not necessary, before to do anything think well about it. If they have work or a way of living may be is better not to do anything.

Sometimes instead is better to do something, for example if the biological family is an old woman that can not work any more, or is a mother that have other children to grow up.

There are different ways to help a family. One is to help to afford a specific expense like to pay the school for brothers and sisters or the health care of someone of the family. Another one is to give money once to start a business and after not to anything else. I am not agree with the help that create dependence, is important to think well to do the right thing. 

The relationship between the two families is very unbalanced and I think is not easy at all to manage it, if you can trust a local to help you is always much better than to do it yourselves.

ETHIOPIAN CHILDREN'S GAMES

Time to time people is asking me to write about something, and it is good so I can have more subjects to teach to Ethiopian children. Today I'm going to speak about some popular Ethiopian children's games. Try to play with your children, after they can also teach their friends. A good Idea could be to organize games like this in the birthday parties for example.

ACOOCOOLU (is the voice of the chicken)

One of the children is looking at the wall and the other children have to hide themselves. For a short while the one that look the wall (his house) waits after that he start to say "coocoolu", and if the children are still not hided they answer "alnegam" (is not still day) after he repeat again and again up to the moment that the children have find a hiding place and they answer "nega" (the sun rises).

At this point the hided children have to try to arrive to the wall, touch it and kiss their own hand to be safe. The one that was on the wall instead have to discover the other children, tell their name and arrive to his house, touch the wall and kiss his hand before the other arrive.

If he do it the child discovered is his prisoner and will be at the wall the next time, if a child arrive to the wall and can kiss his hand before the one who counts tell his name and do the same, the one that was on the wall count again.

The game start again when there are two or three prisoners or when a child arrive to the wall.

SAGNO MAKSAGNO (monday tuesday)

You have to draw lines on the ground like the draw below separated about 40cm. Every horizontal line means  a house. The first child throw a stone on the first part and have to jump from part to part without touching the place were there is the stone, if is able to do it well,  the child can tray to throw the stone on the second place, ans so up to the end, if is able to finish all the places he can get one of the parts (he buy a house) and no one without him can jump on it.
Rules:
If in one part is divided in the middle the child  can jump with both feed if no with one only.
If the child is not able to jump well he loose the turn and is the next to start the game.
If the child is not able to throw the stone in the right  place loose also the turn.
The jumps have to be in two ways, to go, and to back and when the child is going back have to collect the stone. It means that the last place have to be used to turn back.
When a child have buy a house he can jump there with one or two feed.
If a house belongs to a child he make there his own sign or he write his name on it.
The game finish if one child have all the houses or if is not more possible to jump because one child have buy enough to make it impossible.

TERET TERET,  YELAM BERET

This is the normal way to start a tale for children. It means "tale, tale the house of cow" is a nonsense but is the traditional way to start a story.

Today I would like to explain a traditional tale for children.

One upon a time the was Aya Jebo, the hyena. He was sleeping during the day and he was going to search for food during the night. Near his house there was a small lake where there were living a community of frogs. They were happy and they used to sing day and night.

Because of that Aya Jebo was so angry because he was not able to sleep because of them. Finally, when he war tired to roll in the bed he woke up and he went to the lake:
" You frogs!!!! You have to stop your songs, if you don't we are going to fight and that is not good for you"

The frogs didn't want to stop their songs and one of them was telling to Aya Jebo that they could find a good solution. They could organize a competition and if Aya Jebo wins the frogs have to go away from their lake, if the frogs win, They can sing forever as much as they want. Aya jebo accepted thinking that a frog could never be the winner and he went.

The frogs were not happy and so angry with the one that was speaking with Aya Jebo, and started to tell that they could never win. And old frog was listening and an idea come to her. She told to all the frogs and they find it was a good idea. so they made the appointment with Aya Jebo to make the comptetition.

It was at night and every some meters it was a hidden frog. Aya Jebo can not recognize the frogs, they thought, so he will think is only one...

And the run competition starts, Aya Jebo was so fast and soon the frog was very far behind him. He stop and thought "I Almost have win" when a frog in front of him  told "Aya Jebo, are you tired? I'm faster than you!". Aya jebo, thinking that it was the same frog run and run away. After a while he stop again "Now I', really afr from the frog, I'll be the winner!" and another frog in front of him said "Aya Jebó, you are not that much fast I think!" . Aya Jebó started to be afraid not to win and run and run up to the moment he couldn't run any more and he accepted that he was the looser, so finally the frogs could stay at their lake and sing happily for ever...

TERET TERET YEMELESU AFEN BEDABBO ABBESU

That is used to finish the tales and means the tale have to be back clean my mouth with bread.

Have a nice time with your children.

TO GET A PICTURE

A very nice moment when I search a biological family is after to meet them when I give them a picture of the child that have go abroad. Most of the times all the neighborhood come and want to see the child's picture and even to Kiss it.

I have no words to speak about the happiness they feel. I think is good for all. For the biological family means to have news about their child. For the child it means to have information about the origin of the own story and to get images that allow him/her to speak about him/herself. For the adoptive family it create the base to have a good relationship with the past of their child.

When the adoptive family refuse to know about the past of the child is to refuse a part of him or her. One day the question will came and is not going to be easy to answer it.

Sometimes is not possible to find any one but to try also means to respect the story of the child. For the adoptive family it gives  mind freedom and peace.

HAYLE SELASSIE

Haile Selassie was born on July 23th of 1892. He was a descendant of the solomonic dynasty. He was regent from 1916 to 1930 and after that he was the  emperor until 1974. He died on 1975.

Haile Selassie is still on the mind of many Ethiopians, the people that remember him speak mainly with respect and love. He is considered a national hero defending the country from the Italian incursion.

In Africa he have hat an important role creating the Africa Union and defending the independence of the African countries when they were under colonialism.







In Jamaica, the Rastafarian comunity consider him as the returned messiah of the bible, as God incarnate, and they base their religion on the figure of Haile Selassie (before to be emperor his name was ras Tefari Mekonnen).













He loved the lions as you can see in the picture below, and the lion was a part of his flag. In Addis Abeba is still possible to see the descendants of the Haile Selassie Lions in the Anbessa gebi.

LOVE WORDS FOR A LOVE STORY

I think all the adoptions are love stories. And a lot of times the adopted children loose completely their birth language. Once it was an old woman of an orphanage that was telling me about an adopted child and she told me "teach him, how can he communicate with his birth family if he can not speak their language". I know Amharic is very different from English and it make so difficult to learn it, even not all the children that are adopted here have Amharic as a birth language. My purpose is to teach some words that usually are not in the conversation books, I hope they can be useful to someone, even for adoptive parents to tell their children when they come here to meet them for the first time.

WORD (Amharic)                   MEANING     
Amesegenalehu                        Thank you

Ewedishalew                            I love you (to a girl)
Ewedihalew                              I love you ( to a boy)
Enwedishalen                            We love you (to a girl)
Enwedihalen                             We love you (to a boy)
Enwedathuwalen                       We love you (for a plural you)

Endet neh                                 How are you (boy)
Endet nesh                               How are you (girl)
Endet nachiw                           How are you plural

qonjo                                       handsome, beautiful
gobez                                       smart

If some one would be interested into have the voice files or to make a program to learn the Amharic basics with a bit of help we could think about it together.  

KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY

Of course is not always possible to keep in touch with the family or even to know about them, but when there is the chance to know there is the responsibility to decide to be in touch or not.

The stories of the adopted children are so different that I guess is not possible to tell if to be in touch is good or not for all of the children.

Something is sure, all of them will ask themselves when they grow up about their family, why they have been separated from the biological family and probably many other questions that I can not guess. And the ones that have the answers of the questions are the biological relatives.

Not all of the children want to know personally the biological relatives, but probably most of them would like to have an image of them, to know how they look like or to have a satisfactory explanation about the reasons why it was no possible to grow up with them.

In the same way the parents or other relatives that can not take care of their children would like to know how they are. Who are the adoptive parents, if they learn in a good school or if they have good results. specially if they were too poor or sick to be able to grow up them. I remember a mother asking me "I have no news from my child... I would like to know if he is still alive, if he is doing well". I guess they know that to give a child in adoption means that they have no right to get news, but something is the legal way and something else is the heart.

The children I have seen visiting their biological parents normally they are happy to meet the relatives but for them is clear where is their place (with the adoptive family). It open a door for the questions in the future and it give the chance not to loose them. Sometimes, after a lot of time, when the questions come, is too late to find anyone there.

ETHIOPIAN MUSIC

SCALES 

The Ethiopian music mostly is based in pentatonic scales. It means there are five different tones in the scale. May be you are not musician, but if you have some knowledge you can play the Ethiopian music scales with this lesson.

The main scales used in Ethiopian music are the following:

TIZITA              C D E G A C or the following pattern : tone, tone, 1tone and a half, tone, 1 tone and a half.
This scale name means memory.

AMBASEL        C C# F G G# C or the following pattern: half tone, 2 tone, tone, half tone, 2 tone.
The ambasel scale take its name from a region.

BATI                 C E F G B C or the following pattern: 2 tone, half tone, tone, 2 tone, half tone.
This scale take its name from a city in the Oromia region.

ANCHI HOYE C C# F F# A C or the following pattern: half tone, 2 tone, half tone, 1 tone and a half, 1 tone and a half.

If you have a keyboard or another instrument you can enjoy the scales with Ethiopian flavor.

INSTRUMENTS

Of course, in a country like Ethiopia where there are so many cultures and more than 80 languages, the music instruments are many and my purpose is not to make a complete list about them, I will speak just about the most famous ones.

Masinqo: some times it is described as a one string violin. And in fact the principle is similar as the violin one, it makes the sound with the vibration of the only string. The different notes are performed touching the string with the fingers.







Washint: is the Ethiopian traditional flute. As far as you can see there are six holes, to follow the pattern of the scales, normally is used a different washint for every scale because the distance between the holes is different.

 Kirar: is a kind of lire with five or six strings that can be tuned in different scales with the woods on the top. It can be played with the fingers or with a pick.












I hope you enjoy it!

THE KING MENELIK

After the king Tewodros II, Ethiopia did not have a unified and stable government under one rule. Menelik was the king of Showa and he was claiming the emperor throne. He believe in the federalism under the imperial crown, with this ideas he unify Ethiopia creating the new capital of Addis Abeba, the new flower.

He born on 17 August 1844 and died on 12 December 1913. He ruled Ethiopia from 9 March 1889 until 12 December 1913 when he died.

He is considered the one  that have unified Ethiopia and is also a very loved and respected king.

THE SPECIAL BEHAVIOR OF MENELIK

He had modern ideas, and at that time the people were not open to the technology.

The first car that got in the country was because of him. When the car was coming he told to the people. When the car arrive the people thought that it was something dangerous and tried to attack it and they try to stop him to enter in it, of course he didn't listen to them and he go by car while his people were following him by horse. After a while Menelik went far and they thought that the car had eat him.... So he was the first to drive and to have driving licence.

It was not use to use shoes, he was also the first to use them. His servants were trying to hide them to protect him.

The telephone was also a new thing he introduce to the country. At that time the people were thinking he was speaking with the devil and they were throwing holly water on it.



Also electric power and electric light. One of his soldiers didn't like it and tried to take away the light bulb and he was electrified. after that they were so afraid of the electric power thinking that it was a powerful devil.

He was also the founder of the first hotel in Ethiopia, that is still working in Piassa, is called with his wife name, Taitu. At that time no one was going to eat there because everyone was eating at home. So he was also the first to pay to eat there to be an example for the others.

He tried to be an example for his people but it was really not easy.

THE ETHIOPIAN ALPHABETS

Here the alphabets are very different from the ones used in other languages. First of all every letter means one consonant sound and one vocalic. So it is a syllabic alphabet. Every letter sounds always the same, so it means is a phonetic alphabet.

There are no capital and small letters, and somehow is an alphabet that would like to be written with calm.

If you look the image you can know how it sounds every letter seeing the the sound near it.

A FUNNY GAME FOR YOUR CHILDREN

In this way you can also create secret messages in your own language using the Ethiopian alphabets. It can be a nice way to learn and to teach your child about his or her birth country.

  

KING TEWODROS

After Menelik I, the first king of the solomonic dynasty, there is a great jump, many times the capital have change place and many kings have changed, I know, but I don't want a make a book, I just want to speak about the part of the History that I like more.

Tewodros is one of the kings that the people in Ethiopia love more.

He was born in 1818 in Qwara, He ruled Ethiopia from 11 february 1855 until 13 april 1868 when he died. He was born in a time that it was called the age of the princes, there was a king but it was a weak figure, The regional princes were having a lot of power and they were fighting each other all the time. Kassa was destroying some warlords before to become emperor, finishing the age of princes. He started to unify Ethiopia becoming the king, He didn't finish the Ethiopian union but he did the main work to make one all the country.

Between Ethiopians he have a great place, he was a national Hero. English people came to the country, he wanted they teach about technology or other wise, but they wanted to introduce the Catholicism. About that he was clear: " In this country there are so many priest and they have their own books, we don't need the religion of other people, what we need is knowledge". By this reason he catch away the English people and  other ones he made prisoner. That's why the English people came to make war against him. When he was going to lose the was they asked him to surrender, he got so angry and decided to kill himself just not to give them the victory.

He did very important things, for example the priests of the orthodox church were so much, and he ordered them to be just three in every church and to work to get the own food. Before that they were living on the people that was working and giving them food, and there were about 100 priests every church. To accomplish this he told the priests that if they don't follow this rule he was going to cut their arms, and he did it.

 Over this line there is the cross of Tewodros.

HIS CHILD ADOPTED IN ENGLAND

When Tewodros died, his child Alemayu was taken to England to grow and live there. He was living a a king child but he was not allowed to back to Ethiopia so somehow was adopted abroad. He was not happy at all and he died very young (19 years old) without seeing again his country. He was buried there.

THE LEGEND OF THE QUEEN OF SABA

Once upon a time there was a queen called Makeda, here in Ethiopia is considered the queen of Saba that is on the Bible. The legend says that she was listening about a very wise king called Solomon. She listen so much things about him that she wanted to meet him once. She organised a trip with her servants and trusted people to go to Solomon country.

When she was there She could saw how great was Solomon's kingdom and how wise he was. When she was going to go Solomon had an idea, he made prepare very salty and spicy food for her and her people for dinner. After the dinner it was so late and he invited her to sleep in his palace. At that time she was afraid and she ask him not to touch anything that belongs to her, and the wise king asked her not to touch anything of the palace. When they were sleeping, Makeda was feeling thirsty because of the prepared food and she wanted water to drink, but when she drink the water the king comes and told her that she had touch something of the palace and as she has break the rule he can do so and asked her to sleep with him.

After Makeda went back to her country and after nine months gave birth a child called Menelik, and this child become the firs king of the solomonic dynasty that have been ruling Ethiopia until Haile Sellassie.

From my point of view is just a legend, but many countries' history start from a legend and is not bad.

ETHIOPIAN CULTURE AND ADOPTED CHILDREN

As far as I have seen the difference between adopted children and Ethiopian children is big.

Ethiopian children have grow up in a context of a family, and neighborhood where they grow up and learn about the culture. If they like it or not they learn the behavior of the Ethiopians, for example the community life, if someone get sick or have a trouble the neighbors try to help him. Here the life is hard and most of the people is poor, but if it is necessary to help each other they do it.

Ethiopian children respect their parents, they are mostly afraid of the father, and the mother is more protective and they love the mother so much, so it make a balanced family. It makes me think of a lions family, the male is the power that protect the family and the mother is the one that take care of the children with love. The way of thinking is changing but the family structure is like this up to now.

Adopted children get something but they also loose something. They can not be like Ethiopian children bu at least they have to know. Love is love but they can not cut away everything, because one day they grow up and they need to know who they are. Probably they will also ask themselves about that. The biological family can not teach them, so they need a way to learn about it.

Because of that I would like to write some cultural and historical subjects in the following posts so you can know and explain your children about the cou

ABANDONED CHILDREN

Been abandoned is one of the typical story of the children, specially the ones that are under one year. In the papers say where the child have been found and there is normally a police report. Some times is near a mission, hospital or other public place where, I guess, the mother expect that the child will be found soon.

Once I was going out of Addis and I was speaking with a social worker. At that moment someone called him and after he told me that another child have been found.

REASONS

I have born and grow up in Ethiopia, I know what means to be poor. Somehow in the city there are many associations, missions etc where a mother can get help, food or money, but out of the city sometimes the life is hard and they can not afford a child. Specially if they have no husband. so they prefer to give the child in adoption.

There can be also social reasons. Out of the city is a big problem to give birth out of the marriage. The woman is excluded from the society if it happens.

In the city sometimes the young women that have economical problems they accept to make sex with sugar daddy that give them money. It can happen they were raped. Specially in this last case for them is hard to see the child.

As a law fact a mother can not say that she can not grow up a child, there is no legal way to give the child in adoption, at least if the mother is healthy, so they must abandon the child.

THE ORIGINS

May be in a case like that you may think that is not useful to find the origins. No one knows. Sometimes going to ask about cases like that is posibe to see the files of the child and discover something new, like someone that founded the child or someone that have seen the mother even for a short time and can tell something about her.

Even it can happen that the social worker can guess who was the mother and something can be found. Is not easy, really not.

Another thing is to be sure that the child story is really true. That is also a big thing even if is difficult to tell about that

PAPERS


I start to have some experience about the papers of the children, and is really not easy to be able to believe that everything is true. Sometimes there are inexact things, sometimes all is true, sometimes there are more false things than the true ones. In this last case from my point of view without searching the real story is difficult to explain your child where does he come from and why.

If everything is true always is nice to put into images the story of the child. he or she doesn't need to create an image of the biological parents, but he can just have it, even sometimes there can be found information about the large family that is not referred on the papers, for example about the grandparents or brothers and sisters.

If here are inexact things is always good to put the things in the right place, may be in the papers say there was a neighbor who was caring the child and in fact was an aunt or a grandmother. And also to know it is profitable. Normally family keeps a mother picture or at least they can explain who she was and what she did.

If the false is more than the truth at least you can say we don't really know who you are. I say so because sometimes two children have the same papers, and of course one of the two is not the owner of the story. Or sometimes, if the family is lucky it can be found people that in the papers is died or disappeared.

Sometimes to see the true files of a child or to get an answer the people ask me to pay something, it creates  me questions, because to pay is a easy way to get what the family wants, but also a way to make bigger the corruption... 

LOVE AND BUSINESS

The stories of your children normally are love stories. I feel most of the adoptive families love their children, and I feel also that the biological families do so. The biological families have many reasons to give in adoption their children, but I think there is also love when they decide to give them a better opportunity in the life.

I like to help the children to know their stories for many reasons, and one of them is the happiness: The happiness of the biological family when they have news about their children abroad, the happiness of a child that can finally know the truth of the own story, and my own happiness to see both parts happy.

Of course there would be people that make business on that or they feel it like a job, sometimes also the ethiopian people think that the farengi (the white people) have so much money and they want a take the most  profit they can. From my point of view the business and the love have to be balanced. I like to do the things with love, but I also want to get something, I'm student and if I can pay myself the school and the things I need is for me a great satisfaction.

I would like to know what the people think about it, I remember someone telling me that they don't know the prices of the things here, so for them is difficult to know if a price is fare. Even people think that when is not possible to find anything no one have been there and it is just to say that the work have been done but it was unsuccesfull. I would like to know how is possible to do it better for all, may be your ideas can help me.

THE NEW ETHIOPIA

In the last period, Ethiopia and specially Addis Abeba is changing a lot... some times the city administration change the number of the qebele (neighborhood) or simply they decide that a area of the city have to be demolished to construct new buildings and commercial centers. It makes that the people that was living there move to another area of the city. Before it was easy to go back somewhere and everything, or nearly, was as before, but in this moment is not impossible to find that. Sometimes a large area is completely changed, or simply there is nothing as before.

I would really show pictures of before and now just to make you realize how big is the change, but the past is past and I have no way to show to you. Here above there are two pictures of Addis Abeba, one is a condominium area as now can be seen and the other one is how could look that area before.

TO SEARCH THE FAMILIES

Is just a way to think that in this moment of the country the best way to know the truth or to find the real story of your children is to search within a short time, before everything have change forever.


Normally the people here keep moving and after a while disappear forever. There is no way to find someone that change the living place easily, specially if there is no a mobile number to call to.

WHO AM I

WHO AM I

Hello,
My name is Natnael  I am living in Addis Abeba I am 24 years old. I have a diploma in marketing and  at this time I am learning music(guitar) in  Ethio Jazz School.

WHY I STARTED TO SEARCH THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY OF ADOPTED CHILDREN?

2 yeas ago I had the chance to join a family that was searching for the father of their child, I was translating for them. At that time the child and the father could meet for the first time after some years of adoption. It was a very special moment that I will never forget. After that I have feel that I could help other families to search for the biological parents,  to give the chance to complete the history of the children.